No one joins in matrimony looking forward to divorce. Sadly, love falls apart and people get hurt as the divorce rate in the US is about 3.2 per 1,000 people. Children must be told about this big change in the family, which makes it imperative that the right things are said. The following are just a few tips to help you talk to your kids about this unfortunate situation.
When you talk to your children about the impending divorce, you should avoid blaming each other for the divorce. Your children are already dealing with something very traumatic, and they do not need to see their parents fighting like enemies. What you want to do is be honest, but never blame each other.
Be a Team
Remember that it is best to tell your kids about this divorce as a unit. You want your children to think that the divorce was a decision that you both agreed upon, even if its not really true. Your kids want to see as much unity as possible, and hearing that there is some kind of agreement between the two of you will do your children good. Leave the disagreements and the fighting to a family law attorney.
Put Them at Ease
Many children start to think that the problem might lie with them. You want to make sure that your children do not believe this is the case. Be clear that the decision was something that only involved you and your spouse. Your children are not to blame, and make sure they understand that there is nothing they can do to mend the situation. Some children start to up act up in hopes that they will get you two together, which will only make them feel like failures, so make sure you make this clear.
Give Them Details
It might be a good idea to share a few details about the divorce if you can. This does not mean you have to go into the details of what brought you two to this decision, but you should talk about what might change for them. Kids are worried about how this might change their lives, so it would be a good idea to make these changes as clear as possible. Tell them if you are going to stay in the house or if someone is going to be moving out. You also want to highlight what will remain the same, like if you are planning to make sure they attend the same school or remain in the same after school clubs.
These are just a few tips that will help you tell your children about your divorce, but you can talk to your family counselor or even your attorney for additional advice. Be sure to talk to other family members and even school teachers so that everyone is aware of this drastic change. Be sure to let your external members know that you do not want your children to know certain details, just in case they talk to them.